I Forgive You

I forgive you.

Not for you but for me.

I am no longer handcuffed; I am finally free

I forgive you.

Those shackles were weighing me down.

I am finally above water; I refused to drown.

I forgive you. 

Those bars on that cell no longer hold me in.

Covered in scars; I fought to win.

I forgive you.

I no longer wait in line.

You no longer serve me; I’ve taken back what is mine.

I forgive you.

I found the key to unlock the gate.

I have walked a way; no more anger or hate.

I forgive you.

Not for you but for me.

I am no longer a prisoner; I know you hoped I would always be.

– Desiree Angelica Young

 

“Forgive and Forget.” We’ve all heard and said the cliche line half a million times in our lives. Just as we all have had to actually forgive people that many times or more. But do you ever forget? Is it that easy? No, not really.

I do, however, believe that forgiving those who have hurt or wronged you is an essential part of living a happier life. If  you carry around the weight of anger over someone hurting you in any way you are not harming them nearly as much as you are harming yourself. If you continue to hold onto hurt feelings because of someone elses actions you are surely only causing yourself more hurt.

We have all been wronged in one way, shape or form. Some of those nearest and dearest to us have been the ones to lodge a knife so deep we are not sure how we will ever repair the damage. Healing takes time and, you guessed it, forgiveness. Each and every one of us has to forgive in our own way and our own time, though. Forgiveness is certainly not a one size fits all, but it is a must to move on and live your life with true happiness.

I could sit here and list times or incidents that forgiving seemed like the last possible act i could perform and those closest to me are aware of those times. I could tell you about holding resentment and anger towards people i thought had my best interest at heart only to learn they were laughing and judging me the second i turned a way. I could even dive into life changing events and that, no matter how incomprehensible it is, some people will spin the situation to play the victim. – but. . . I’ll save those stories for a rainy day. What I will tell you is that in all of the situations I have personally dealt with I had to find my own peace within myself and that has always began with forgiveness.

As always, i am not an expert on the subject. I have been known to hold a grudge longer then necessary but I have also become and have been one of the most forgiving people out there. Not really for others to be okay with the damages they have caused but for myself to heal, to repair, and to move forward.  I have found, for me, writing a letter( or 2, or 12) to the person that caused my pain or writing a few lines about my feelings has allowed me to get those emotions out. Once i’m done i usually rip the letter/pages up and start to move on. This may not be how any one else deals but it has helped me find my own peace, time and time again.

Let me be real here though: I don’t believe you ever forget. You will always remember what and who cause you such deep pain but you will heal and life can be good, again. So forgive and never forget is a more accurate description, i think.

I also do not believe forgiving always means allowing those people back into your life. You can forgive someone and move forward with out them. You do not owe them a spot in your heart but you owe it to yourself to forgive them, to heal and to grow from it all.

Okay, So that’s forgiving others but what about forgiving yourself? Sounds kind of silly doesn’t it? But we are truly our own worst enemies. We are harder on ourselves and harm our own hearts more than any one else. Why should we forgive others but hold ourselves to unforgiving standards? Forgiving yourself comes with a lot of letting go. Here are just a few things we all need to forgive ourselves for (at least ones i think):

• loving others more than they deserved. not every one has the same heart you do but that’s not always easy to remember. 
• allowing toxic people to stay in your life longer than you should’ve & then ultimately cutting them out. you do not have an obligation to allow anyone to remain if they are toxic to you; friends, family, acquaintances. 
• wanting to save others, be a good friend, and listening ear; even when some people do not want to be save. 
• eating some thing we knew we shouldn’t. life will still go on. make a healthier choice the next time. 
• not loving ourselves the way we love those in our lives. we are so quick to love those around us that some times we forget to love ourselves with the same heart. 
• missing a work out or twelve. get up and try again tomorrow.
• holding onto a grudge and letting it eat at us. we are human and forgiveness isn’t always the easy route.
• diminishing our own worth. when someone compliments us we are so quick to point out our flaws. embrace the compliment; say thank you and remember your worth.
• comparing ourselves to others. step back and compare yourself now to where you have been. appreciate the dark that has led you to the light.
• picking a part your body. think of all the amazing ways it has carried you, provided for you and been there for you through your entire life. 

I’m sure I could make a list a mile long of items we can and should forgive ourselves for but we all know what we need to let go of to find our own peace. Maybe it’s not at the surface and perhaps you aren’t ready to face it just yet; but when you are you will know and when you forgive yourself I feel like you will begin to find a happier version of yourself.

Through all forgiveness of yourself and others you can learn countless lessons and grow from each experience. & ultimately, i hope you can look back and be grateful for having survived whatever you had to. Whether it was at the hands of others or caused by your own demons. While it may be trite it is true; you would not appreciate or be who you are today with out having been where or who you once were.

♥️As always – Thank you to those who STILL read these ramblings. Your kind words and thoughts/questions are so much more appreciated than you will ever know. ♥️