anxiety, change, depression, happiness, insomniac, poetry, support, Uncategorized, vertical sleeve gasrectomy, vsg

What a FREAKIN’ day. 🙄🤦‍♀️🤬

UGH. Today is a DAAAAYYYYYYY. .  you know that kind of day when you feel like you aren’t good enough? aren’t doing well enough in this life? have failed in one way or another? Like the world is totally against you and you are in the dark about why or how to change it?!?


I’m writing this because I want everyone to know that I have these days. We all have these days.

& I’m certainly not writing this for pity because if you know me I hate pity parties and don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me for any reason.

I attempt to be a positive, easy going, generally happy human as much as I possibly can

However; today I am upset about situations outside of my control (a habit I have spent my lifetime trying to break; I’m a work in progress.🤷‍♀️)

  • I have let people get beneath my skin and let my thoughts get the best of me.
  • I have cried crocodile tears today because I feel like I have failed myself in my weight loss/health journey because I’m not as fit and healthy as I was prior to my unexpected and super annoying knee surgery.
  • My anxiety has made me question every decision I’ve pretty much ever made.
  • Work has me stressed with new and ever changing requirements and rules regarding the coronavirus.
  • Plans of upcoming events (and the ever procrastinators that yes, I still even love) have me on edge and over planning each and every detail I can.
  • My over thinking personality has ghosts of the past haunting my every thought.
  • & my mind is telling me I want to eat every damned bad thing I can think of even though I really know I want none of it.
  • And a normal sleep pattern that would supposedly help me with all the above; what the hell is that?!? Some nights I sleep a total of two hours and others I can go to sleep at 6pm and not wake up until my alarm pierces my ears the next morning. . there is NO in between. 

My current emotions are absolutely full of contradictions; I want the world’s longest hug but I don’t want touched. I want to scream to let all my feelings out but I don’t want to be heard. I want to laugh but can’t stop the urge to cry. I want to talk out my feelings but I don’t want to bother another soul with the dark depths of my own. 

So yes, TODAY IS A FREAKIN’ DAY. . one I can not wait to come to an end. . one I must not repeat again tomorrow because I may completely lose my mind if I have two of these in a row.

This post isn’t meant to be a deep, philosophical blog post. . there is no grander meaning. . no hidden message. . This is just to remind anyone out there reading this that we all have days; good, bad, beautiful and down right ugly days. They come in all different forms and one doesn’t mean the other will follow. . we all just have freakin’ days and tomorrow is a new one so I will push through the rest of this day and move on. . and all of it has to be okay. 

At the end of this day I will know I survived. That will be the accomplishment of the day. & that is more than enough because tomorrow WILL be better. 

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