anxiety, change, chronic illness, depression, happiness, insomniac, invisible pain, poetry, support, Uncategorized, vertical sleeve gasrectomy, vsg

The War Against Regain. 🙄🙅‍♀️🤬

Let’s get right down to it; regain can and does happen. Just because you had weightloss surgery doesn’t mean you’ll magically keep the weight off! It is truly just a tool. A tool you must use and let guide you for the rest of your life.

This is a hard topic for me, as I’m sure it is for others as well. I have gained some of the weight back that I worked so hard to get off. Not some crazy amount but 20-30 pounds from where I was happiest with my body(not my lowest) ; 2ish years ago. But when I look in the mirror I feel like I’m back at 398lbs. . I know I’m not and I know I’ll never let myself get to that point again. . . But body dysmorphia is REAL. (& a topic I’ll dig into further in another post.)

I could sit here and make a MILLION excuses for how this happened from the pandemic to my knee surgery to every day stress. . . But the truth is I got off track. I have stumbled and fallen into old habits. I stopped putting myself and my body’s need first! However, I do know I need to go back to basics to shed the regain and tone my body back up.

& I WILL do just that.

When I first started writing this particular blog I kept feeling like I needed to say that I was failing or that I am a failure. I’m not.

Want to know why I’m not?!?

Because I am still here, still fighting and still pushing myself every day to be the healthiest and best possible version of myself. I have not given up on myself and I know I can get back to exactly where I want to be, again.

I have started my 3am work outs again. I am working on consistently logging my food, exercise , vitamin & water intake. In the moment none of it seems worth it or fun for me but I know consistency is the key to my success and happiness.

I have battled my weight all of my life. Up and down. Back and forth. Diet after diet. Handfuls of magic diet pills. And then vertical sleeve. The battle will never be over. This is a lifelong journey and just as with anything else there will be highs and lows. Ups and downs. Bad and good.

I made a promise to myself; a commitment to my health and I still have fight left in me to refocus and get my ass in gear once again. So here we go. . .

Life is messy and the daily battles are hard.

You get caught in the crossfire & explosions and have wounds from a thousand shards.

Food is your weapon, your safe haven, your go to.

The enemies in your head whisper “you’ve failed, you’re a failure, what did you do?”

You look in the mirror & hate what you see.

You thought you’d won when you set those criminals free. .

But this is a battle you’ll fight til the death.

A war that will not end until your last breath.

So dig deep and find that strength to put your armor on.

Fight back, push forward, rise at dawn.

You are a warrior with an army of support waiting on the front line.

Don’t be a hostage a minute longer; this is your time.

Time to put the fight in and train for the never ending battles that will come your way.

You got this. You can do it. You’ve survived to fight another day.


“I could simmer down but I like myself better when I’m all fiesty & shit.” 🤷‍♀️

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