Not a single day passes without a memory of you.
A smile or a laugh, or a ‘what the hell would he do?’
I’ve heard a thousand stories about your kind and amazing soul.
And even more of your silliness and you acting a fool.
Strangers have told me endless stories of who you were. . .
& how you’d show them my picture and tell them “that’s my baby, that’s her!”
Countless words have been said about how I made you proud. . .
& I know you told anyone you ever met; any stranger in the crowd.
Every time I needed you, you picked up the phone.
Reminding me I would forever be your baby; no matter how much I’d grown
I’ve been told, a time or two, that I have your heart, smile and those beautiful eyes.
And I know I have your sense of loyalty, love and ability to rise.
Minutes, hours, days and years have come and went since we had to say goodbye
& not a single second has passed that I haven’t wondered why.
Yet at the end of every single day I am thankful that you were my dad. . .
You gave me your all; every single thing you had.
A million times I’ve been told that I am most certainly your daughter;
And infinite time could never change how proud I am that you were my father.
Today may mark fifteen years without you by my side;
But you’ll never stop being my sun & moon; my eternal guide.
Desiree Angelica Young
I know. . . If you’ve followed my blog this far you’ve read what you probably think is more than enough about my dad and how I miss and love him. But no amount of words will ever fill the void in my life. No amount of poetry can ever stop the tears from hitting me like a tsunami at the most random times. . . But that will never stop me from trying, remembering and writing about the poppa who taught me to be strong in his life and death.
So fifteen long, terrifying, heartbreaking years have come and gone. Fifteen quick, exciting & beautifully magic years have also come and gone. With each moment that has passed I still miss my Poppa more than I ever knew was possible to miss another human. But with every single fleeting second I am reminded how incredibly blessed I was and am.
Please let me be real, honest and raw though; the blessings don’t take away the never ending pain. The sadness that lurks in the dark of night when no one else is around to see it. The flood of heartache that falls from your eyes when you think of the good and bad memories of a life that was ended before it truly even began.
I often look around and see men that would be around or a little older than my Poppa would be now and I drift to a place of wonder. Wondering who he would be now. A sixty year old man, looking forward to retiring, I’d imagine. A man who would love camping with our crew, spoiling all the kids in our lives, sharing laughter, stories and so much love. A man who would absolutely be bellied up to the bar right beside me ranting and raving about his little Lulabug and the woman I’ve become. A man who would still be lighting up every room he walked in to. The life of every single party. A man who gave his all to this world and never asked for anything in return. . . And then I snap right back to reality.
A reality that is so different than the one I imagined when I was growing up, curling up next to my dad on a lazy Saturday morning, watching an episode of the Waltons (that’d he’d tell me he hadn’t seen yet.😂) We talked about where I’d end up after college and what career I’d choose. We planned how he’d spend his retirement. Dreamt of vacations to the places we’d never been. . .
Life has a cruel and beautiful way of forcing and guiding you into the life you were meant to live. . . But it doesn’t come without heartache. . But it also comes with fierce love, light and amazing people who love you along the way.
So while today I am sad. Incredibly sad. The kind of sad that feels like your heart is shattered into a million tiny shards on a cold concrete floor. . . I will gather up every single piece again tomorrow and glue myself back together once again; because that is the person my Poppa raised and wanted me to be. ♥️
I love you, Poppa. To the moon & back. 🌙
Your Little Lulabug
1 thought on “Fifteen Years & You’re Still Forever Young, Poppa. 🌙”
Des, your words are so beautiful! He was such an amazing person! I’m so very thankful that I had him in my life even if it wasn’t for very long. He was the best man at our wedding and we couldn’t have had a better man to stand with us. He will always be deeply missed. Love you girl! (P.S. you really do have a beautiful way with words. I wished I had that gift!)