May 13th, 2017

The struggle is real. . .

So we’ve heard it a millions times: “cow, beached whale, fat ass, lose
some weight, it’s not that hard, join the gym, quit eating so much. .”
And even worse and heard more often is ” you have such a pretty face.
. . ” or “you’d be drop dead gorgeous if only you lost the weight .”

OUCH.

Talk about daggers through my layers of fat and straight into
my beating, over flowing with love, kind, and damaged heart. &
ironically I bleed just as much and as red at the woman sitting next
to me being told she’s “too skinny” or “needs to put some meat on her
bones.”

Words. So many words are hurtful when they are strung along in a
statement that will instantly tear a person down. We are all human. We
should be using our time on this earth to help build each other up, to
push each other, and to cheer each other on from the sidelines while
we all reach for our goals.

Words. The most powerful weapon and our softest pillow; It all depends
on how they are used.

I’ve been over weight my entire life. I have heard any and every
comment you can think of. And I’m sure I have even come up with some
and said them to myself that may not have even crossed your mind. We
are always our own biggest critic’s and our own worst enemies. I have
torn every piece of my body to shreds with the hateful words I have
used. In the end the only part of my body that was truly broken was
my heart.

I thank god every day that now I have come far enough to not let the
words of others hurt me so deeply. That does not mean that I don’t
hear the laughter or feel the glares of others when I walk into a crowded
room. It does however mean that I no longer give a single damn that
they are laughing or making comments aimed at me. I love myself. Every
inch and every curve. All the stretch marks and scars.

I love that I am strong willed and determined now to change my life
for a healthier tomorrow for myself. No one else.

But alas, the struggle is still very real and will always be
regardless of what size I am.

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