July 4th, 2018

I have always vowed to be open, real and raw with my journey. 98% of the time I am positive and good at finding my motivation and smiling through the challenges. That other 2% is BRUTAL. Today, for whatever reason, has been one of those mentally challenging days.

I have mentioned before that I have battled anxiety my entire life. I still have daily struggles with my anxiety. I do not sleep much without medication and my mind does not have an off switch. I question so many things and over analyze every detail of my decisions.

I will never let my anxiety win, but I do have my moments where it creeps in and pushes me to the limit.

Through this journey I have learned, more than ever, that making myself a priority is a must! Mentally, emotionally, and physically I have to put myself before everyone else sometimes. If I am having a rough day some times I just need to take a step back and recharge. I struggle because I want to be able to be there for everyone I love at all times; I also know those who love me and have supported me understand that if I do not take time to take care of myself I will be no good to anyone.

This afternoon I took a break from the world. I stayed home this afternoon and even crawled back into bed for an attempt at a nap. I took the time to recharge.

I am now down over 150lbs. I have adjusted to not eating bread, pasta, sweets, etc. because I do not want to return to the life I was living before. I do not drink soda and I live on meat, cheese and any high protein meals I can. I almost look forward to my walks and work outs. Yet, some days, the reality that this a life long change is daunting and becomes overwhelming. When I get overwhelmed my anxiety kicks in and I just need to take a step back and realize how far I have come.

In the past eight months I have had bad days, mentally and physically. I have been an emotional mess from time to time and I have mourned the loss of the person I was.

On the flip side of that I have enjoyed finding the me that was lost. I have found the strength deep inside to push myself further than I ever imagined. I have laughed more and participated in my own life more than I knew possible. I have been more than proud of the work I have put in and who I am.

So to those who continue to read this blog and those who have loved me through so many challenges in this life; THANK YOU. Thank you for allowing me days like today, and reminding me tomorrow is a new day. Thank you for loving me and pushing me to be the best person I can be. ❤️ You are all so appreciated! This journey will never be easy but with support, love and understanding it will always be worth it.

I will continue to document my story. I will always be as open and truthful as I can be. And I will always answer any questions anyone may have in regards to my life, my surgery, my anxiety, my journey.

& I will continue to take pictures and be proud of myself! For now being comfortable enough to lay on the front porch on the swing and sometimes even in shorts! For going on long ass walks and drinking so much water! For feeling confident and beautiful whether I’m all done up or hanging out on a lazy day in my hat and sunnies and an actual Jawline!!!

We should all love ourselves and never feel guilty for being confident and enjoying who we are! ❤️