Happiness. We all seek it. We all yearn for the euphoric feeling we are taught to work towards from the time we are able to understand our own feelings. We believe buying this or that will make us complete. We dream of finding someone who makes us whole. We all want to live happily ever after.

What we are not always taught or may not realize is that happiness is a choice. It is not some thing you fall into, or something you necessarily earn. It is not everlasting once you find it. And it most certainly is not a weight you should put in some one else’s hands.

Recently I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine regarding some recent, unrelated to my surgery, health issues I have been dealing with. We were discussing how we refuse to let illness or outside circumstance hold us back/down. She said “I have always believed we have to make our own happiness.”

Those words have been ringing in my head since that conversation. Such a simple yet incredibly complicated concept.

Every day we make the choice to let circumstances hinder our moods for a moment or a lifetime. We can let our physical health determine our mental health. We can let others decisions create anger and hostility within ourselves.

I am certainly not an expert on how to remain positive and upbeat all the time. I think it’s healthy to let yourself feel your range of emotions when you need to. I have let my fair share of circumstances I could not control throw me into a tailspin of hurt, sadness, anger and depression. I have had moments I placed my happiness upon someone else. I have lost myself wanting someone else to make me complete.

While it’s not always easy it is certainly worth it to try to not unpack and live in the hurt, sadness, anger or depression. Let yourself feel these emotions but then focus on what you can control and how to reclaim your happiness.

In my lifetime, while some may say I have faced many challenges, I believe I have decided to let whatever I have been handed make me a better person instead of a bitter person. I do not want to let the cruelty of the world or the unfortunate dealings with health issues make me a hardened or cold person. I want to leave this world a better place some day, perhaps a happier place.

Please do not think this is me, by any way, shape or form, saying I have mastered this concept. I still let others actions effect me and my mood more than I know I should. And while I am not a “why me” person some times the frustration of another diagnoses gets to me and I let it pull me into the black hole of self pity for a moment or two.

But I am working on this. I am working constantly on trying to always be in control of my own happiness. And I encourage everyone to work towards their own happiness, whatever it may be and wherever it may take you. I encourage everyone to be fiercely whole alone and simply allow others to add to your happiness, not be the souls reason for it.

I know this post doesn’t revolve around my surgery as I try to do in my normal blog fashion but my decision to have VSG was for my own happiness (and health.) I was falling into a rabbit hole of health issues related and not related to my weight. And while I was confident, most of the time, I was not truly happy with how I looked, moved and felt. So I made the decision to work toward my own happiness. To change my lifestyle for myself and myself alone.

Many have asked if I would go on this journey again; the answer is always YES! I would relive this life and take the same route all over again; it has made me exactly who I am now. & who I am now, in this moment, is someone who will continue to fight for her own happiness while being incredibly blessed to have an incredible husband & countless irreplaceable friends/family who add to it every day!


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