I’ve written to you so many times. . .
Filled a thousand pages with deep letters and even silly rhymes.
I still talk to you; out loud & in my head.
Some times while I’m driving aimlessly or just lying in my bed.
I tell stories about you every chance I can.
Of laughter and love and how you were the strongest man.
I still see you in some of the things I say and do.
So many people have told me that I act just like you.
I still remind myself, like you taught me, that I am okay; I’ll always be okay. . .
& because of how special you were I still celebrate your life and every single birthday. . .
I wish I knew you right now, as a sixty one year old. . .
But only the good die young; or so I’ve been told.
So today in your honor; since you can’t be here,
I will belly up to this bar and drink a beer.
I’ll share stories and jokes and be the life of every party; just like you were, dad.
I’ll hold back the tears and try not to be so sad. . .
The heartache will still be there at the end of the night. .
And I know I’ll hold on to all our memories with all my strength and might.
A lifetime would never have been enough to share with you as my poppa, my best friend & my North Star.
And when I think about it all I know these could have been some of our best years, by far.
I can’t turn back time, rewrite history or change fate. . .
But today, for you, I will celebrate.
Don’t you worry, I won’t stop talking or writing to you, as you know I’ll never run out of words to say;
But for now; I just want to wish you a Happy 61st Birthday.
Happy Birthday, Poppa!
12/29/1962-02/29/2008
💫Forever young💫
Desiree Angelica Young
One of the absolute hardest parts of the grief that I have found is not knowing the man my dad would be today and him not getting to be beside me to see where I am at this stage and point in my life. I may, someday, see this as a blessing; to not watch him suffer in old age or more than he had to when he was fighting for his life at 45 years old. . . But today, in this moment, it still tears my heart out that he would only be 61. Still so young and so full of life. I still feel robbed and know he was robbed of so much precious time.
He always told me life wasn’t fair. . . I just wish it wouldn’t have taken losing him for that lesson to sink in so damned deep. . . .
I have said before that he was certainly no saint; he had his fair share of demons and sins but I was so fortunate that, for the years leading up to and at the end of his life, we had a great relationship. He loved me for exactly who I was and where I landed at every moment he could. I know he’d do the same today.
The pain of him not being here each passing year (and every single day) does not lessen for me.
It does not go away.
It does not pick and choose the perfect time for tears to come.
It does not care that I don’t want to hurt or miss him so deeply. . .
But I have adjusted my life accordingly and made damn sure to be the daughter he was so proud of.
I have his eyes and smile but more importantly I know I have his larger than life personality, his most of the time level head, and his bursting with love heart. ♥️
So every year on December 29th I will do my damnest to laugh, love and have a few drinks to celebrate the man who I was blessed and lucky enough to have as my Poppa.
Here’s to you, dad. Happy Birthday. 🍻
I love you, always.
LulaBug ♥️
desiree.angelica 