In my lifetime I have faced many “struggle” days for one reason or another. I have fought my own mental health and obviously my physical health. I am my own worst enemy most days. My anxiety and deep soul causes me to pick a part even the smallest of messages, conversations and my own feelings. Losing weight certainly didn’t change all of that. It doesn’t cure the mental challenges of every day life.
I never had the delusion that losing weight would change my mental health. I knew that my anxiety and depression would continue to be a separate fight and each match won would be won because I would have to come out swinging. I would have to get in the boxing ring and put on my gloves and fight for the happiness and health I have wanted for as long as I can remember.
What my physical journey has taught me and has made me realize is how important it is to put myself first and to take the time to recharge whenever I feel I need by doing whatever I feel I need. Some times that might be an evening filled with laughter with some of my girl friends, a day curled up in bed and pampering myself, a night in with my hubby, or spending time with friends who have walked into my life and feel like they’ve been beside me forever.
Recharging is SSSSOOOO incredibly important for mind, body and soul! I used to brush that notion off. I used to make plans for every day of the week because I am blessed to have so many people who love me so I wanted to see and do whatever I could with all of them. Once upon a time I would never imagine bailing on plans for any reason.
I am so thankful I am learning to say “no, thank you.” when I need some me time. I am grateful that I have learned that some times I need to be around the people who I trust enough to let my guard down with (and that I can actually let that guard down.) I am blessed to have people in my life who will simply give me a hug and remind me I don’t have to be put together all the time.
Over the last few weeks I have had several “struggle” days. The cold weather, time of year (my Poppa’s 56th Birthday would be at the end of this month), health issues (unrelated to my surgery), and all and any of my anxiety quirks have taken their toll on me. However, this year has been a little different for me. I have put ME first.
What this doesn’t mean is that I love or care about those in my life any less. I will always consider myself insanely blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing, kind, wonderful, supportive people. And I will continue to try to be an active participate in their lives. Just as I will continue to always appreciate that they cheer me on, and love me regardless of my flaws. ❤️
& although I have had my off days over the last few weeks I have also had AMAZING days. Physically and Mentally.
I have had days that I have laughed more than I ever remember laughing. Moments where I look around and can not stop smiling because I am so fortunate to be where I am from where I’ve been. Hours that I have forgotten that my anxiety wants me to hide how I’m really feeling and I’ve just let myself feel whatever emotions I need to. AND AND AND. . .
I HAVE HIT MY GOAL OF BEING UNDER 200lbs! 😍😍😍 (and yes, I got on and off the scale repeatedly to make sure it was right. 😂)
The number on the scale will continue to change, up and down, but what won’t change is how thankful I am for this opportunity. How grateful I am that I am surrounded by the worlds best cheerleaders! How blessed I am to have the fight in me to create and enjoy this amazing life. ❤️
desiree.angelica 