I am NOT planning to ever have children. I’ll hold; while you grasp that idea, shake your head in disgust or whatever else you need to do to then continue reading if you wish. . .
I know that having children is a part of life that so many dream of. I totally understand that some people just know they want children, some always have. And some have children and feel they are exactly where they are meant to be. So what is the difference with me knowing I do not want my own children? (& yes, my husband is in total agreement- because that’s always asked “What does your husband think about that?!?” Children were never on the table for me, he knew that and we are both on board with that decision or we wouldn’t be where we are today. )
Please, let me tell you though; I LOVE Love love children. I enjoy each of my nieces and nephews and they all know they have a piece of Aunt Dez’ heart that will forever belong to them. They can call me any time, I will always be their cheerleaders and I love them more than they will ever be able to understand. I love seeing posts of my friends kids with them enjoying life and I am here for the bad days when they need to vent that their kid is throwing the 100th tantrum that day about the wrong color sippy cup. I’m here for it all. I may not be able to relate but I will listen without judgment and love you through it.
But I still do not want my own children.
I’ve had people say to me “You don’t know what love really is until you have a child of your own.” – okay. 🙄 I get the sentiment behind it. I won’t know the love between a mother and child but c’mon. I do know love. I know love deeper than the seven seas because I am surrounded by AMAZING, loving people and my heart over flows with love every. single .day. ♥️
I still love hard & whole heartedly; without wanting my own children.
Not wanting my own children also does not take a way the fact that I am in constant awe and have immeasurable respect for those super heroes who are so fiercely raising the next generation. I try to remind them always that I am here and will always be here as their friend regardless of my choice not to have children. I will still invite them over with their precious babies, I still love going places with them and their children, and sometimes I even love stealing their children away for a week or weekend trip with me. While our lives may be different and our priorities have all shifted it certainly does not take away my love for my friends who have decided to be moms and dads. Good for them, I am so happy for them, truly and genuinely.
Still, doesn’t sway my decision. 🤷♀️
Also, let’s all agree; here and now- that my reasoning for deciding against having my own children is NOT because I think I would be a terrible mom. “You are so good with kids. . . you’d make such a great mom.” Thank you, I appreciate the compliment and I am not arguing that I am totally happy at the kids table hanging out and drawing and laughing with the littles in my life. I am always bursting with pride when they learn some thing new or tell me a new accomplishment. And I am 100% on board with being their shoulder when then need to cry to some one other than mom or dad.
You guessed it though- I am still 100% sure I’m not going to “change my mind.”
Now that I got most of that out of my system I also need to just say that people need to be empathetic to the fact that some people do want children but can not have them due to a thousand different reasons that are NO ONE else’s business. While this personally is not my case; when someone approaches me and tells me all about why I need to have babies they do not have my medical chart in front of them. & if it is some one who wants children but is struggling to conceive or can’t conceive or what ever else they have going on- those kind of statements can cut so deep into a person. I know, the intent isn’t there to hurt them, but I’m am sure it still hurts beyond belief.
So my point is; you can ask questions but be respectful. Many have asked if now that I’m in a much healthier place in my life if I now want children. The answer is still a hard no, but I do not get offended by the question. However, when someone starts telling me all their reasons they think I should change my mind the line is crossed and I no longer want to be a part of that conversation. We all have our own beliefs and views on this life; respect others, even if they aren’t the same as yours.