anxiety, change, depression, happiness, insomniac, poetry, support, Uncategorized, vertical sleeve gasrectomy, vsg

My dark days made me strong. . .

Or maybe I was strong all along & they just made me prove it.


It is as dark as the midnight sky; not even the shimmer of a star do you see glowing in your eye.

The night has swallowed the moon and it’s dim glow; you try to feel your way. don’t step too quick. move nice and slow.

You feel a ledge but wonder if the fall is too steep; you hear a sound and swallow deep.

You squeeze your eyes shut and hold them tight; slowly you feel the warmth and see some light.

You open your eyes, just enough to make sense of where you are; you hear a voice whispering “don’t turn back, you’ve come to far.”

Your mind slowly begins to clear; you begin to feel that some thing about your surroundings is familiar.

Eyes wide open, hand in hand with those who never left your side and a heart so full; you’ve found yourself once again, you feel peace within your soul.

You cling hard and fast to what you remember and the feelings that you were sure faded; but my sweet, sweet girl you vow to never let the darkness leave you jaded.

Some times we imagine life to look completely & totally different than how it all turns out.

We may lose ones we love too soon, we cut ties that we thought we needed to hold together, we move to another city where no one knows our names and completely start over. Or we get to cherish and value time with people we never thought would make it this far into our journey, we repair damages we weren’t sure could be fixed, we stay in a town where every one knows you by name & your entire life story; some know more of your story than you even know yourself.

The scariest and greatest blessing of life is how uncertain the future truly is. Tomorrow you could get the chance of a lifetime but you could also face the darkest day ever. You never truly know until you are in the depths of those exact moments. It’s poetic and thought provoking; it’s confusing and mind numbing. It can be a your life’s grandest blessing; it can also feel like the devils work.

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written a damned thing on here and there are a million reasons I could rattle on but the main one has just been – life.

Some times life swallows us whole and we lose all sense of gravity & what we need to keep up grounded. We let the storm clouds wrap around us and the fog make our view distorted. We lose our ability to see our North Star to guide us to where we should be traveling.

For a few months now; this has been my reality. I have let prior commitments and engagements stand between myself and who I want to be. I have pushed off things and items that are important to me, knowing they’d still be there when I eventually got back to them.

I stopped putting me first, again & I slowly felt the monsters I have fought so hard to keep at bay creeping back in through the fog of my mind.

So today. . I’m starting over, again. & that’s okay. Life is uncertain. Our worlds are constantly and forever changing. People, places and things come and go. Our views broaden and change. What once made us happy can now be damaging. But that should never stop us from finding what we want, need, deserve to continue to grow, change and live the most magnificent, beautiful, terrifying and some times tragic life we need to live. We must never stop searching for any thing and everything that reminds us how alive we truly are.

NEVER Never never stop growing and finding yourself & NEVER stop letting the extraordinary, majestic, beautiful souls you meet see the depths of your ever changing soul and walk with you on your never ending journey. You need them & nine chances out of ten; they need you, too. ♥️

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