anxiety, change, chronic illness, depression, fathers day, happiness, insomniac, invisible pain, not fatherless, poetry, support, Uncategorized, vertical sleeve gasrectomy, vsg

my Poppa may have passed but I am certainly NOT fatherless.

Father’s day.

A day I once celebrated with so much pride because I was so fortunate to have an amazing Poppa & I knew it. . . Then he left this world too young and way too fast when I was eighteen. .

After that, for many years, I mourned the loss of him, sank into the depth of my own despair and thought I fell into that category of being fatherless. I was so blinded by my own heartache that it took me longer then I care to admit to realize I am anything but fatherless.

Sometimes I still pick up the phone and find myself wanting to dial my dads old number. & for a split second I forget that he won’t be on the other end. . But when I come back to reality I know there are a handful of other men I can call and share my good news, accomplishments, bad days and vent to.

My Poppa never left me fatherless. He gave me eighteen years of love, laughter and memories. He passed on to me; his smile, bright eyes, sense of humor and his love of life. He taught me to have an open heart to any and all, until they wrong me personally.

He may not be here now but I am anything but fatherless.

Even when my dad was still here on earth I remember him saying to me “if you can’t come to me with something I’m glad to know you have others you can go to.” Maybe somehow he knew I’d need those men in my life or maybe it was just because that’s how he was but man, I know I was blessed to have him as my Poppa.

I am who I am because of my poppa’s life and his death. He shaped me in more ways than I can even begin to know. I love hearing stories when I’m with people who knew him, worked with him and loved him. I love to watch that smile on their faces grow when they think about what a character he was and tell me how he shoot the moon 🌙 , let spiders 🕷crawl out of his mouth to get a rise from whoever he was talking to, or how he was the only son of a bitch crazy enough to pull a truck bed camper with a Cadillac. 🤦‍♀️

But something I cherish equally as much is how many amazing men have stepped up and been the fathers to me when they never had to be. My friends dads, former teachers, friends husbands, my carp men, and my father in law; they have all went above and beyond to watch out for me, listen to my ramblings and give solid advice when I need it the most. ♥️ & I know for damned sure that my Poppa is so thankful I have these men in my corner, right beside him, always.

Yes, my Poppa left this world entirely too young and way too soon but he did not, for a single second, leave me fatherless.

So to all the bonus dads, step dads, father in laws, adopted dads and any man who loves a child as their own; HAPPY FATHER’S DAY. 💙

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