Soooo it’s been a bit. . . I could make excuses or give you all the reasons why but let’s be honest; life happens & some times I don’t want to share what’s going on in my own mind and life. . I don’t want to share because it’s not ALWAYS a highlight reel.
Life gets in the way. Not only because of every day tasks; working, managing a home, staying healthy, working out, and trying to maintain a social life. I mean, those all play major factors for sure but that’s not the only aspect that can take over my life.
I have been diagnosed with, and live with, two autoimmune diseases over the last 5ish years. . Some days my energy level is 100% depleted before I even crawl out of bed. Many days I struggle to keep my body in motion without breaking down in pain. I don’t write this out of the need or want for sympathy or pity; I’m writing about this because this is my reality. With these diseases comes an aray of issues/complications for every day life.
Recently I was struggling with some pain in my left knee. For weeks I simply blamed it on being another piece of dealing with the reality of living with Rhuematoid Arthritis. Plot twist; It was most definitely NOT related – I had torn my meniscus & needed surgery to repair it as soon as possible. So February 28th I had surgery and am now on the lonnnnngggg road to recovery.
This recovery road consists of lots of binge watching Netflix and Hulu, reading, writing, napping and Physical Therapy. I am learning to be okay with this, for now. & I’m trying to listen (for once in my life. 🙄) to the Doctors & Therapists and not rush this recovery. So for now I’m strictly not allowed to put weight on my left leg until the Doctor says I can. Then I will continue PT until I’m healed and back to 100%.
I have been angry, frustrated and thrown myself more than one pity party over the last few weeks. I have struggled with needing to ask for help more than I ever have. I have had to force myself to learn patience because daily tasks now take me double the time as they should. I have swore and cried daily when I’m attempting to put my brace back on. It hasn’t be fun, easy or painless.
Some times life just down right sucks. Some days you will be filled with anger and no understanding of why you are going through this. Some hours you need to shut out the world and curl up and cry. Some moments will require swearing like a sailor. (There have been many of these moments for me recently. 🤬) Some seconds all you want is someone to hug you & remind you how far you have come. All of this is OKAY! We don’t always live our highlight reel. & some times we don’t feel like sharing that.
However, it is teaching me more about patience, leaning on loved ones, and listening to my body when some thing feels off. It has also reminded me how loved and blessed I am to have bonus family, my husband & his family, and my friends. So many have checked in on me, stopped by, and allowed me to fall apart because they have been by my side picking up the pieces. So yes, I am searching and finding the positives that have come from this.
I vowed to always be open and honest about my feelings, journey and life with this blog . . . So yes, it’s taken me a while to put this all into words but this is my current reality. I am constantly growing, changing & rediscovering things about myself. This situation is no different.
Soooo eventually I will look back on this chapter of my story and be thankful for the lessons it’s teaching me. . . But for now it just plan sucks! 🤷♀️